Social media provides humans with information feeds from all over the world well outside someone’s immediate circle of influence or daily interaction. It also offers a platform to communicate directly with people well outside that same circle. Many are quick to demonize the rise of social media platforms for their apparent corruption of human society. What about personal accountability? The internet, technology, communication platforms are all just tools.
So today I took my usual stroll through my Facebook timeline filled with ads, distant relatives, groups and so on. In response to the algorithm trying to curate my feed, I have developed my own mental algorithm to ignore most anything that doesn’t inspire curiosity, happiness, or solidarity. That typically includes glossing over any type of critical emotion laden commentary I see which feels awkward to come across, like a married couple having a heated argument in public.
Today that mental algorithm broke as I came across a loved one’s comment on a post. It was an unkind comment to put it charitably and caught me off guard. I tried to move on as usual, but each hateful political meme and ranting status update just seared further into my mind until I had to look away.
Perhaps it’s a cathartic exercise to channel that frustration you have with the world into a written comment, to get it out of your system. While this may be a useful function for you, what good does it produce to the wider community? I see social media as the town square for a large portion of society. I wouldn’t take my trash to the town square to dump it.
I suppose that’s how I have chosen to frame my own anger and hateful thoughts, not as something to be shared and encouraged, but something to be deconstructed and processed. They are products of violated expectations, my own expectations that live within my mind. Sharing them in the world rarely serves to further a conversation in their raw form. And ultimately, if I’ve let my anger graduate into full blown hatred of any kind, then I have some serious internal work to do to unwind that fuse because to me it’s indicative that my own internal expectations long departed from reality.
So my common take away from my own emotional spike is restraint and self-reflection often producing no outward result. Even if I were to take some kind of action, what action can I take and will that action produce any difference? Often times the answer is no, I see no immediate opportunity to influence a change, at least not one that’s less costly than the alternative which is to simply let it go (lower my expectations) because;
- Few things in life should hold such control over my emotions and those that do should pose immediate danger to me or my loved ones.
- Urgency or outrage are often the product of a third party manipulation through use of targeted messaging and framing.
- The language that packages many incendiary messages is so hyperbolic and slanted that it’s more likely to inspire humor than anger.
- There is no such thing as a single credible source anymore so there isn’t really cause to get bent out of shape over the context of a single message.
Today that math didn’t balance out, seeing someone I care about expressing the symptoms of this inner turmoil makes me worry about them, about the distress they must feel to pursue this course of action. And then linking this empathy with all the subsequent comments from other friends just drove an imperative that I needed to come back here, to write and try to offer a positive point of contrast.
Anger can fuel introspection to reconsider one’s expectations or maybe consider how to drive accountability from someone. The outcome from such reflection should be constructive and if it’s to be effective, it should probably be as emotionally neutral as possible. That’s why I’m here writing this post, and I hope for the few who will read this, it offers you pause the next time you’re inclined to write something critical. I hope you pause to reflect on your own emotional state, your motives, and if your course of action will provide you or others any peace or growth.
I stand behind the principle that every person in the world can teach you something and deserves the respect and decency you would afford your own family or loved ones. This doesn’t mean everyone deserves your time, our most valuable resource, nor does someone deserve to command your emotions or hold space in your mind. While well considered opposing viewpoints are a staple of the sound mental diet, I find the best response to insincere appeals to my emotion is to respectfully keep on walking.
