I’ve posted for a few new jobs within the past year and have not achieved the intended outcome.That outcome was of course, to be hired for the role. I’ve reflected on these”failures” and they challenge my perception quite a bit. Some days, I observe others who have been hired in those roles and I compare them to myself.I say, I’m surely more qualified than them, I’m more “deserving” of the opportunity than they. This immediately makes them the adversary, sparks resentment, and defensiveness. This cascade of negative associations immediately shuts down any productive feedback I might obtain from the reality before me. I qualify the success of those individuals, discount the integrity of the process, and fail to grow in response to what I have deemed an injustice.
Often in social and business environments, people refer to “the game” and often those who frame it as such just as commonly proclaim “I wont play it!”. To these individuals, an outcome inconsistent with their own success is a byproduct of a corrupt system and any feedback that might offer is compromised and untrustworthy.These individuals fail to respond and adapt to the environment around them,thusly failing to grow, and often failing to advance. This lack of accountability and self awareness produces a defensive isolation and a refusal to take responsibility for the outcome of one’s own actions.
Having a loose understanding of this concept, a person could easily swing to the opposite extreme. Instead of condemning those who got the job, you could be inclined to condemn the job itself. “I didn’t want that job anyway” or “it’s a good thing I didn’t get it, I don’t think we had a good social fit” or any number of other rationalizations may be used to defend oneself from the rejection facing us.
Reality unfortunately lives in the nuance for all outcomes in life live on a continuum.The concept of structure, of black and white simple conclusions is an elegant fiction created by humans to easily cope with the infinite possibility of the real world. While this is a necessary behavior for that same reason, we should not cling to it in situations of high risk or serious outcomes. When considering the viability of a relationship, a change in the course of one’s life, or a large financial decision, there is an alternative evaluation that must take place. A considerate, intentional analysis must be pursued to consider one’s self, the motives of others, and the implications of applying the real world to the outcome.
The truth often lies somewhere in the middle, and identifying that truth takes work to both examine yourself and the world around you. For me, contemplating the outcome of my pursuits leads me down two different paths, the path not taken and the path I find before me. The area I pursued earlier this year finds itself having difficulty demonstrating its professional credibility and in an attempt to regain that reputation, it has neglected its workforce. This has led to negative outcomes for employee morale, engagement, and ultimately attrition. Its tempting to be grateful for having avoided this situation, but it is not healthy to express gratitude at the misfortune of others. Its important to understand that having been in that position, it would have been an honorable challenge to be a part of this team and to help restore them to a functional state.
I must express gratitude for the path taken however and I believe this is an important practice. It marvels me how reflecting on my journey demonstrates progress in my path to personal growth. I find myself having weathered a great storm which has hobbled many others. Others have retreated to areas of comfort and security having been traumatized by the systems they relied upon for their own sense of identity. We must own who we are in spite of the world around us. In having the structure pulled from under me, I was forced to assert myself without the credibility, relationships, and titles I had come to rely on. Stripped of all armor I was left bare in the arena to reclaim my name with nothing but the skills and self awareness I had cultivated.
