Defeating the Dragon

At first it was an introvert’s dream, forced to work from home, able to nest in my comfort zone. I could save money, workout, cook my own meals, and be in complete control of my environment. Benefiting my reclusive tendencies and investor mindset, quarantine served me well. Until it didn’t.

I’ve spent many words preaching the value of balance and a well-rounded character. I spent my time and money in my 20s more impulsively favoring current desires over long term objectives. Arriving at my 30s I resolved to be more responsible to “future Robert” by conserving and investing resources that would benefit me in my targeted dimensions; family, social, physical, mental, financial, and adventure. I developed habits, a structure, that ensured I nurtured those dimensions.

The pandemic clearly disrupted the habits correlating to family, social, and adventure dimensions but those disruptions favored financial and physical aspects so they easily sold themselves as beneficial. Its only now, as I assess my progress towards that ambiguous vision of my future, that I realize the result of this detour. I have over-emphasized the conservation of resources for my future self, sitting on the sidelines of my life while I wait for some arbitrary benchmark to arrive so I can live the life of my dreams.

In my miserly hoarding of time, energy, and money I have become a dragon, withdrawn in my cave watching the days and months of my life pass by. Its comfortable here, I have games and media to consume in bulk, my meals are delivered to my door, discretionary time abounds on account of my careful selection of obligations.

With a selection of technical gadgets to keep me entertained, cook my food, wash my dishes and clothes, it feels like some sci-fi future. In reality, it feels more like I’m in the movie “Moon”, trapped in an echo chamber waiting for my own obsolescence. It feels like hell. If not for having restored my weekly family and gym socialization I think I would have long lost contact with my sanity.

So closing in on the end of 2022 its apparent I’m due for a course correction. I’ve booked an adventure for next year which will take me across the country and I’m scheming a smaller jaunt to visit friends and family. I’ve hit some goals with physical fitness so I’ll make some adjustments there and my financial progress is reasonably on track if I continue my patterns. Family and social can always benefit from more intentional nurturing, given my reserved nature, so I’ll push myself in those dimensions more aggressively.

More significantly though, I’ve watched friends and family start and grow loving relationships with wonderful people leading me to realize the true cost of my solitude. They have reminded me of the romance I had let go of, the profound magnification of life’s experiences when shared with another in lockstep. It’s time I took intentional action to find a romance of my own, a partner to share adventures and quiet moments.

I would encourage you to reflect on what has changed, what you may have lost or sacrificed as our society shifted over the last few years. Where are your values and are your actions consistent with them? Are you needlessly delaying your life for some arbitrary reason? Take charge and lead yourself back on course, back towards those pursuits which are truly meaningful.