If an angel and a demon whisper into each of your ears, how can you discern which one is which? If each whisper surfaces in your mind as a thought, how can you trust them?
These thoughts take hold and become dreams, aspirations, and faith. But what are these, are they simply the unfulfilled expectations for the future? When are these expectations an incentive for growth and when are they an illusion distracting someone from the present moment? When should you let go of expectations? When should you cling fiercely? Are those whispers to be trusted, or does a demon secretly author the goals and values compelling your faith, your dreams…
The older I get, the simpler life becomes. Trivial concerns and desires fall away, but the core questions, concerns, and desires remain.
I’ve wrestled with fear my whole life, perhaps my biggest demon. Fear of not being enough. Fear of not having enough. Fear of missing out. Fear of letting go of all that is possible. Fear of committing to the path before me.
But what do we have, if not the path we are on?
It may be possible, even responsible, to jump the tracks to a different life path. To transplant one’s self, abandon who we were, to become something new. But this comes at tremendous cost, a sacrifice of everything.
I’ve done this, redefining myself at several stages of life, afforded by having moved to new cities, schools, and jobs. Each time shedding the skin of a self that no longer served me. It was as traumatic as it was productive.
I’ve never had trouble paddling down the stream I’m in. My turmoil comes from looking downstream to see where it leads and not being ok with that result. Limited by fear, by circumstance, by a truth I refuse to acknowledge, I do what seems to be the only option, continue to paddle.
But aimless effort produces aimless results.
I know the cost to abandon the boat altogether and I cannot afford it. I’ve come to rely on the circumstances I once sought to escape. Bound by relationships and simplicity once regarded as mediocrity.
Blinded by the extravagance of potential, unwilling to commit to a life which lacked dazzling rewards. Locked out of fulfillment in the present, clinging to dreams, to faith, to my aspirations. The cost was just as steep.
Failure to commit is a commitment to failure.
Does the path you travel lead to the dreams you envision? If not, don’t reflexively blame the path. Scrutinize the fantastical destination. Consider if it truly offers a place of fulfillment, of sustainable longevity that produces opportunity for lifelong happiness. People require purpose, crave meaning, seek acceptance, and thrive in social relation.
A servant to no path reaps no rewards.
We idolize the milestones, the marriage, the promotion, the retirement. Life is lived on the way to these “dreams”. Care for the way you spend 99% of your life and stop pining for the milestones. Find fulfillment in the present, find meaning in the things you do every day, accept and be accepted as you relate to others. Milestones are often a reflection of a the state of a single entity, of the self. Purpose, meaning, acceptance are all obtained in how we relate to others, of the service and value we offer the world.
Set your dreams not for some socialized milestone you will attain, but for how you will affect those you care for. Aspire to care more deeply and expand those in your influence. Have faith that a life constructed around helping and serving others will provide the rewards which will fill the spirit and silence the endless desire for material wealth.
So, do your dreams hold up? Do they complement your path to fulfillment or do they corrupt it? Who authors your objectives?
It seems to me, that commitment is necessary, for few ever arrived in a worthwhile place without consistent effort and discipline. So, it would be unwise to plod along serving no objective since the world finds a way to prescribe you one in the absence of your own. However, you must not implicitly trust the dreams and desires that rise within, for we each harbor the capacity for incredible selfishness in our ego which always hungers. But we also possess the capacity for selflessness, altruism, for organic growth without the expectation of an outcome.
There is not an easy means of deciphering the source of our impulses, our dreams. We must question and listen, allow ourselves the space to be alone with our thoughts, to wrestle with deeply buried truths. I continue to question, as my writing surely illustrates, and contemplate the responses. I encourage you to do the same, and wish you luck in your journey.
